Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
