i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
