how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
