hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
