a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize