So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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