You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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