he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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