so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
