So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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