Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
