we have officially lost it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
