homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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