So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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