they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
