Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
