Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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