One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
