you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
