I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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