did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
