it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
