that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize