ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
