You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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