Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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