I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
