I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
