Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize