You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
