Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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