I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
