There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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