does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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