He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
