Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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