Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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