Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
