im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think your dad took our porno
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
