yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
