when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
