Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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