Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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