Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
