is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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