Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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