he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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