is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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