nut hugger
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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