Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
