i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
