So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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