I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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