I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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