mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
