So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
