I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
