We got so high we made milksteak
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy