Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.