Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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