Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
