Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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