I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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