So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
