I'm really into asian looking animals
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
