This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
