meet me or not, i'm out of control
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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