That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
