Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
