i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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