Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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