i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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