We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
