I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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