i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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