ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
