he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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